Music to my ears.

I've had several experiences with music and running now. The first one was in April, when I was running 3/walking 3. Now, this is probably not cool, but I borrowed a player from the ten year old across the road. Like she would say no, even if she desperately didn't want to lend it.

So, I slapped in my (burned, clean version) Eminem Show CD, and off I went. Oh wonder, oh joy - the sound of that boy in my ears was distracting, it was motivating, and it was somehow.... not quite right. It was one of the first beautiful sunny days, a day off from school for the kids. People were out everywhere, playing, talking, laughing. Somehow, the not so gentle lyrics I was singing in my head were out of sync. I wasn't as aware of the sun shining on me, so much as the beat of rap music. I was oblivious to the smiles people gave me, because I was concentrating on messages of hate. You see the imbalance? However, I will say, I kicked up the hills thanks to Mr. Mathers. Bottom line - although I enjoyed it, I am not sure that I want to listen to music all the time. Which was good, since at this point it wasn't an option.

Fast forward a couple of weeks. Again, I uncoolly borrow a player - this time from the teenage babysitter. Our normal weather had returned, so it was a foggy day, and I didn't think it would feel as out of sync. I wanted the same CD, so off Slim Shady and I went. Although she had warned of the problem with her player, I was unaware of how terribly annoying it was going to be. The headphones only worked in one ear. Do you know what it sounds like to have someone yelling at you in one ear only? I tell you, if you are going to yell at me, you need to yell in both ears. Or else. But. But, every once in a while, for no apparent reason, the other ear would kick in. Just for a couple of seconds. But, those seconds were enough to convince me that if I just wiggled the end enough, or shook the player enough, or chanted the right spell, it would work. So, I listened it to it the whole way. 26 minutes and 50 seconds of yelling in one ear. All because of 10 seconds of yelling in two ears.

Then, on Mother's Day, I received my own player, the cheapest of the cheap. It was as skippy as could be - the only thing worse than a rapper yelling in one ear, is one skipping repeatedly. I took it back (I was apprehensive, because I knew I was missing a part of the cardboard from the packaging, and I thought they might try to arrest me for that.) Then, I took my money, went to Walmart, added 20 bucks, and got me a CD player that says right on it "Jogging". I figured if it was okay for jogging, it was probably OK for running - it was 45s skip protection, RCA - $40.

Now, I knew I didn't want anyone yelling at me, so I decided to take a different tack. So, last Thursday, I put in Tori Amos' Little Earthquakes, one of my all time favourite CDs. I thought knowing the lyrics would be distracting, and make the time fly by. I thought the softer CD would be less jarring, more compatible with the feeling of peace I seek when running. I was so so wrong. I did a quick test to make sure I wanted to listen to it before I left. The first track, Crucify, is fairly upbeat, and tricked me. Here are a sampling of what I was listening to:

"Snow can wait, I forgot my mittens
Wipe my nose, get my new boots on"
(Really, I don't want to think about winter any more. Or snot.)

"And if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go chasin' the nuns out in the yard "
(What does that mean?)

"China, all the way to New York
I can feel the distance, getting close "
(Okay, lyrically it ain't awful, but this is a really whiny song. Did NOT make me want to run, but instead to crawl into bed. With a bag of cookies)

"Look I'm standing naked before you
Don't you want more than my sex "
(This was actually a good one - the thought of standing naked before anyone was enough to get me up the hill)

"Oh, God, could it be the weather
Oh, God, why am I here "
(This could have been my theme song for the first couple of weeks, but now, really, I'm sure you can see how this might be demotivating for someone running 22 minutes)

Finally, I just stopped the CD player, and put the headphones around my neck, and just ran. I was at one with nature. I was aware of everything around me. I was a little depressed, after all the Tori. But, at least she didn't skip.

Food, glorious food!

Today is a good day. I got up, had a shower, meditated a bit, made coffee, did a load of laundry, all before the kids got up. Then I went and got my new watch (more on that another post), and did my fitness class (more than three thousand steps - more on that in another post, too). I actually enjoyed the post-class coffee today - I guess I am finally losing my new person status, and am more able to join in different conversations than before. A quick by myself grocery pickup, and then home.

Although I am sure you can see how lovely my morning was (okay, well, maybe only if you have small children can you see the beauty in uninterrupted laundry and groceries), that isn't the real reason that today is a good day. Today is a good day because today marks the end of the challenge. I have completed six weeks without chocolate, including anything chocolate flavoured, cookies or real coke. And while it absolutely got easier, it was definitely a challenge right through to the end of yesterday.

Examples: I bravely bought a bag of Oreos for the kids last week. Not surprisingly, when I am not eating cookies, a bag lasts for days, not hours! Now, Oreos are such a favourite of mine, people have actually given them to me as gifts. Yep, gift wrapped and everything. Not only did I not eat any, but someone left one out in the open on the top of the microwave for hours, and I didn't touch. Oh, I wanted it. Bad. Real bad. And no one was around. No one would ever know. But, I didn't. I just asked someone if they were trying to play a cruel joke on me by leaving it there.

A couple of weeks ago, I opened a huge bar of chocolate to use for cheesecake garnish. (I made a fudge truffle cheesecake for Bailey's school fundraiser.) Not one morsel of that cake passed my lips. Since I needed to be sure it tasted good, I had Tony taste it before I gave it away. True story about my cheesecake - someone bought it for $15, even though it was supposed to be a prize. So that gives you an idea of how irresistible the cake itself was. Now, back to the bar of chocolate. It is huge. Milk chocolate. There is drool on the package. But, I have successfully resisted this open bar of chocolate for almost two weeks.

I could go on and on and on listing all the tough times I faced... but I'll spare you. Suffice it to say - it's over! I made it! I can eat my beautiful chocolate and cookies. I considered staying up past midnight to indulge myself, or perhaps bathing in melted chocolate (I told you it was a big bar), but have held off still. There is something romantic about stretching out the moment, both the chocolate and I knowing that we will be together soon. I do plan to talk to the chocolate about how we won't be spending so much time together in the future. I hope the chocolate handles it okay, although I am actually more worried about what the cookies are going to say.

So, thanks for your words of support. I am off for my rendezvous with a giant bar of chocolate. Wish us well.